Relationships

My parents are splitting up

If your parents or carers have decided to split up, one thing you need to accept is that you can't stop them and you must respect their decision. You need to understand that they would not have decided to get divorced unless they had tried to work things out and have talked things over.

Divorce is when a married couple want to split up and end their marriage. If they are separated it means that they have stopped living together and live in different places. What you need to remember is that although they do not share feelings they once had for each other, their feelings towards you have not and will not change.

To start divorce proceedings, one parent or carer must apply for a petition at the County Court. This is a form they complete which details why they want a divorce. If they can sort out their affairs without seeking the help of a judge, then they can sort out the divorce hassle-free. The court hearing is a matter of procedure and the divorce can be mainly dealt with by post. However, if there are disputes, then the judge will make a court order and they will decide things in court.

There will be a lot of changes to deal with but everything will settle down in time. Things will not be easy if your parents or carers do not get on anymore, but once they have parted and sorted everything out, it will make things easier and your home life will probably be a lot calmer.

If you're faced with the decision of who to live with, you need to make sure you choose the place that is best for you. You might want to write a list of good and bad things about living with each parent or carer and decide on where you feel most comfortable. You can then talk to them about arrangements for seeing the one you won't be living with.

Divorce is very common nowadays and half of all children will see their parents or carers split up. It will be tough at first but things will get better.

Who can help?

The 'It's not your fault' website is full of really good information and advice for both young people and parents. They offer support to children and families in situations of divorce and separation, before, during and after it happens. Read more at www.itsnotyourfault.org/html/teen/vimportantthings.htm.

You can speak in total confidence with a Samaritan volunteer about anything which is troubling you. They will not judge you and will not try and tell you what to do, but they will try to help you think things through. You can call the Samaritans on 0845 7 90 90 90 or visit their website at www.samaritans.org.uk.

Childline is a free, 24 hour helpline for children and young people in the UK. You can call the helpline at any time day or night on 0800 11 11. Childline counsellors are there to help you find a way to sort things out. Visit their site at www.childline.org.uk.

'Kids in the Middle: An Agony Aunt's Guide for parting parents and their children' is a useful guide offering advice for children and young people, as well as adults, who are dealing with a separation or divorce. The guide contains helpful advice on feelings and emotions, as well as practical information about who to talk to, good books to read and websites you can visit for further help. You can view or download the guide here.

You can speak to a Personal Adviser at your local Connexions Centre. To find your local centre click on the Local Services icon in the footer of the homepage or check out your local phone book.

You can contact a Connexions Direct Adviser by phone on 080 800 13 2 19, by text on 07766 4 13 2 19, by textphone 08000 968 336, by adviser online or by email.